Post by Areelah Gregorie on Jun 2, 2011 13:56:37 GMT -5
Hello again, it's me, Orville. I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. I was, uh... busy. But anyway, where were we, I sat on Chiron and probably broke his back, and now angry camp people want to kill me. So ya, the door was locked and my only option was to fight. So I looked around for any sort of weapon. And of course, in a summer camp full of weird demigod people, there was an emergency box of swords. There was a reminder from a god named Ares that said, "And remember kids, fight to the death!" So I picked up a sword and looked out of the window on the door. Those kids looked pretty freaking angry. They all had swords and knives and bows and arrows, and a few kids had even brought a battering ram. I knew I couldn't fight them. So I looked at my one way out. The window. I opened it, and after hours and hours of squeezing and pushing, I was out. I ran for the camp border with every ounce of energy I had. When I was half way there I ran out of energy. So I did what you're supposed to do in the morning when you're tired and out of energy. I drank a 5-hour energy. And it tasted like crap. When I finally reached the border I knew I was free. But then I heard a mysterious rustling sound. And out of nowhere comes this insane old street vendor! And he said, "Well aiy laddy! They call me Magic Millbert! I can getcha anything yer liking for just 2 pennies! Me prices be outrageous! So what'll you be buying laddy?" "I want to go home," I said. "It's really hot out here and everyone here hates me." "Well laddy," he replied. "I know just the item yer looking for. The Beans of Fortune!" "Beans!" I shouted. "How do I find them?" "Well..." he said. "Ye must go on a treacherous journey. First, ye must pass through the Lake of Demons. After that, ye must go through the Cave of Vampires! And after that, ye must go through most horrific of them all. The Swamp of Dead Celebrities!!!" "Dead celebrities?" I said. "Trust me," replied Millbert. "Michael Jackson was scary enough when he was alive." So Millbert gave me directions and I was on my way to the first obstacle: the Lake of Demons. As I came upon it, I witnessed the hideousness of the demons. They had gnarly, razor sharp, bloodstained teeth, eyes that made your blood run cold, and of course, THEY WERE NAKED! What awful things. I found a big stick and approached them. They were all in the lake, staring at me. "Come on little child, take a swim!" said a demon. "Yes, yes, the water's fine!" said another. So I thought about it. The demons seemed to be having a good time. So I jumped in. Cannonball! SPLASH! When I looked around, I'd seen what I had done. My splash had been so big, it washed all the water out of the lake. All the demons were moaning and groaning. "Run! Before the large one strikes again!" said a demon. And just like that, all the demons were gone. So I moved on to the next obstacle. The Cave of Vampires. When I walked in I didn't really see anything. Until I looked up. I saw tons of vampires hanging onto the ceiling like bats. Then one swooped down and said,"Look guys,ve vill be eating good tonight!" The other vampires cheered and swooped down by their leader. They were surrounding me. I didn't know what to do until the answer to the problem came to me. Through my mouth. I let out an enormous burp. The vampires were blown back by it's mighty power. But it did not stop them. They once again closed in on me. Then one sniffed the air. "What is zat I smell? It zeems... familiar...GARLIC!" Then they all sniffed the air and started turning into bats and flying out of the cave. Then I remembered I ate at Olive Garden last night and had like 20 loafs of garlic bread. So I kept walking through the cave until I found an exit. And then I saw it. My most feared obstacle yet. The Swamp of Dead Celebrities. As I neared it I could hear the ghastly screams of celebrity zombies. When I entered the zombies locked eyes on me. Then they started coming towards me. Then they stopped. And they all started doing the Thriller dance. Michael Jackson was leading the procession, and I could also see Elvis and Bob Marley (they weren't bad dancers for dead people). I'm just going to tell you that I made it out of there alive and I still have nightmares about it. But hey, at least I got to punch Bin Laden in the face so hard that his head fell off. So right after I defeated Ronald Reagan I raced out of the swamp. Soon I found a pedestal with a can of beans sitting on top of it. The Beans of Fortune. As I reached to take the beans, a voice that came out of an intercom said,"If ye'd like The Beans of Fortune, please deposit 2 pennies." It was Millbert. So I put 2 pennies in a little slot. "Thank ya laddy!" said Millbert. "Now just eat the Beans and ye'll be home in a jiffy!" So I did. I ate the beans. And then suddenly I was back home, on my porch. Then I looked over into my neighbor George's yard. There was this viking guy with a big hammer that said he was a Norse god. Sounded good enough.
THE END OF THE ORVILLE KLOSCHEMHEIMER SAGA
THE END OF THE ORVILLE KLOSCHEMHEIMER SAGA